come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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