YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
