people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Life is so much better after having sex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
