she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
