got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
In America we eat man semen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
