i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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