I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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