I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
