Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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