Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
