at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
