Only a mothe r could love this liver
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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