Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
