There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
