my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
