I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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