i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
