I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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