This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
