I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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