Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
