ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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