I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
