I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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