oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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