he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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