I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
