I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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