Do you still have your period?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
