If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
