If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
