i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
