Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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