Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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