ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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