He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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