On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
