You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
