So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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