last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
