hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
