i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
