Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
