You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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