i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
