so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
