Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
