Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After last night, I could never be a politician.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
