apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My feet surprised me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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