I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
