I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
