i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
