I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
